Weighing on Me
I’ve always struggled with my weight, and on here anyone who has read for a while knows it’s a topic that comes and goes. After Bella, I had a hard time accepting my body. And it took about 18 months to get back to a shape I could handle without cringing when I saw myself in a mirror. Thank you Spanx.
I never quite wrapped my head around how I would look after having the twins. I tried, but I knew until I had them there was no way to really comprehend what my body would have gone through.
Only I never made it to that point. 19.5 weeks. So almost halfway.
Yet I measured 30+ weeks. So now, I’m left looking like I had a nearly full term pregnancy. With about 20 extra pounds.
And this would all be ok. I could deal with it.
If I had my babies.
So it’s hard to go out and (although no one probably thinks this), I have the paranoia that people are looking at me wondering why I look like I just gave birth and only have a 2 1/2 year old. I have to start completely over with my body and weight and on top of that, I don’t have anything to show for it this time around.
This is very hard. My body is a continual, ugly reminder of what it failed to do.
Eventually things will find a new “normal” on me, as they have already started to, but for my own self confidence and a way to get rid of the constant reminder of how my body was able to pack on pounds when I didn’t need it to anymore, I want to lose the extra weight.
This is where I need your help. I’ve done Weight Watchers twice before and it worked. But last time they had changed their entire points/online system and I found it was so different I didn’t know if I could do it again. Now with working from home and Bella and all the other household stuff, I don’t know that I’d have the time to measure and record everything. I need something online, easy, and uncomplicated. Something that is just about food as I’ll be doing yoga and walking.
I’ll pick a program and blog on it here once in a while as I go along. It’s a huge motivator to do this in front of people who can hold me accountable and cheer me on (or scold me for not sticking to it). My goal isn’t to become Heidi Klum (let’s be realistic) but to lose the weight that isn’t healthy for me to have, while feeling better about myself during a really, really hard time.
Because right now I hate my body for more than just the weight and postpartum look. The least I can do is give myself a shot at finding it acceptable.
What program do you love? Why?