The Power of Brief Motherhood

September 26, 2012

I held you for such a short time. Yet you changed my life forever.

You were wanted. You were loved. From the first moment I knew you were there.

I will never forget you. As time passes, it might get harder to say the same of others, but I am your mother. However brief, I will never forget.

Before you, I only knew motherhood like a door just barely open. Enough to see in, to get the gist of it, but never fully able to get through to the other side.

Now that door has been flung open, and while I want you back so much, I can’t imagine closing that it again.

It makes me cringe to think if you had lived how I’d never appreciate you fully as I would now. Isn’t that odd?

When I have other children – waiting for me or waiting in me – I will think of you as I hold them.

When I watch your sister head out of our home one day, I will think of how you’d still be here.

When your Daddy and I hold our first grandchild, and all the ones after, I will think of how yours might have looked and who they would have taken after.

If I live to be old and gray, an old woman that looks back on her life and sees deep sorrow and deep joy, I will take my last breath without any fear. Because I will finally get to be with you.

Old or young, years or tomorrow, I will never forget you while I am here on earth. You will be the babies I loved so much and didn’t get to have. I hope I will be able to mother you in heaven the way I thought I was going to be able to here.

I miss you. I love you. I promise to never forget you. I think of you every hour of every day. I strive to be a better mother, wife, and person because of you both.

One day I’ll see your shining eyes and little feet running towards me. I will get to marvel at your perfection. And I will wrap you in my arms and whisper in your ears how I have longed for this day. Until then, I promise to make the most of what I was blessed with here.

16 Comments

  • Julie

    October 2, 2012 at 2:42 pm

    This is beautiful!

  • Alexa

    September 29, 2012 at 12:37 pm

    You captured this SO well! Thank you! From one berieved mother to another.

  • Theresa

    September 27, 2012 at 9:35 am

    Crying tears of love for you and me, and our children flying in the sky.

  • Jill @BabyRabies

    September 27, 2012 at 9:29 am

    <3 love and hugs to you

  • Jenny

    September 27, 2012 at 8:26 am

    So eloquently written. You have a beautiful gift to put those deep emotions and feelings into words like that. I think of you guys often, hugs always <3

  • Jessica

    September 27, 2012 at 5:34 am

    Such a heartbreakingly beautiful post Diana. Sending you many hugs.

  • Alejandra

    September 26, 2012 at 10:13 pm

    I long for that day also. Beautiful the way you expressed it. Hugs!

  • Katy Morgan

    September 26, 2012 at 9:48 pm

    Painful as it is to read your sorrow, it is so beautifully written. Thank you for sharing…

  • Lauren

    September 26, 2012 at 9:38 pm

    I am in tears reading this. This is absolutely beautiful.

  • Bethany T

    September 26, 2012 at 9:38 pm

    This is beautiful Diana
    I’ve been sending your blog to my friends who struggle with losses of children during or after pregnancy. Your words mean so much to so many that may never be able to express how you’re saying what they cannot. **hug**

  • Sherry Carr-Smith

    September 26, 2012 at 9:11 pm

    Lovely, my friend.

  • Gretchen

    September 26, 2012 at 9:11 pm

    Tears and hugs. This is beautiful!

  • Kristin

    September 26, 2012 at 9:11 pm

    So beautiful, Diana. I don’t think I’ve commented before, but have been following your journey. Sending love and prayers your way.

  • Rusti

    September 26, 2012 at 8:55 pm

    absolutely beautiful Diana. sending you love and prayers.

  • frelle

    September 26, 2012 at 8:53 pm

    So beautifully worded, and so vividly expressed. Oh honey I long for that day with you. *HUG*

  • Amber

    September 26, 2012 at 8:40 pm

    ((hugs))! Thanks for sharing your heart and your beautiful words with us!

Comments are closed.

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