I held you for such a short time. Yet you changed my life forever.
You were wanted. You were loved. From the first moment I knew you were there.
I will never forget you. As time passes, it might get harder to say the same of others, but I am your mother. However brief, I will never forget.
Before you, I only knew motherhood like a door just barely open. Enough to see in, to get the gist of it, but never fully able to get through to the other side.
Now that door has been flung open, and while I want you back so much, I can’t imagine closing that it again.
It makes me cringe to think if you had lived how I’d never appreciate you fully as I would now. Isn’t that odd?
When I have other children – waiting for me or waiting in me – I will think of you as I hold them.
When I watch your sister head out of our home one day, I will think of how you’d still be here.
When your Daddy and I hold our first grandchild, and all the ones after, I will think of how yours might have looked and who they would have taken after.
If I live to be old and gray, an old woman that looks back on her life and sees deep sorrow and deep joy, I will take my last breath without any fear. Because I will finally get to be with you.
Old or young, years or tomorrow, I will never forget you while I am here on earth. You will be the babies I loved so much and didn’t get to have. I hope I will be able to mother you in heaven the way I thought I was going to be able to here.
I miss you. I love you. I promise to never forget you. I think of you every hour of every day. I strive to be a better mother, wife, and person because of you both.
One day I’ll see your shining eyes and little feet running towards me. I will get to marvel at your perfection. And I will wrap you in my arms and whisper in your ears how I have longed for this day. Until then, I promise to make the most of what I was blessed with here.