October 15th

October 15, 2012

I was going to do a whole post on here about loss, since today is the day of Infant and Pregnancy Loss Awareness.

But then I realized – life kinda sucks right now.

I’m 5 months out and really don’t want to remember. I wanted them.

I’m not ready to be ok with this yet. As wonderful as the loss community has been, being a part of it means I lost something I loved and wanted.

So today, with no babies, no adoption, and no idea of what will happen next, I simply give my life to God again and say, “You have it.”

I get to be sad and angry and feel lost today. We’ve been through a lot and it wasn’t what I expected. I never wanted October 15th to be anything personal to me.

 

———————

Babble:

Taking a Break

Timeline of an International Adoption

Pregnant Patients and the Hospital: Know Your Rights

Alcoholism, Adoption, and Honesty

I’ve Got Nothing

Attachment Parenting International:

Beyond Babies: Attachment Parenting in the Later Years

World Moms Blog:

Homeschooling an Only Child

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Diana Stone

I'm Diana, and my blog is about loss, grief, motherhood, trauma, faith, moments of incredible wonder, candid thoughts, and a little snark. You can find more details on our story here.
Sam and I have been married since I was 19. He was 20. He's an OIF, medically retired veteran of the Army and Marines. We have 5 children - Bella was born in 2009 after a rather bumpy pregnancy and her first year was mostly crazy reflux. Preston and Julian, my identical twins, were born at 20 weeks in 2012 and lived only a few hours. Kaden was born full term in 2013 seemingly perfect, and at 4 days old he was found to have cardiomyopathy due to ciHHV-6. He passed away at 3 weeks old. Charlotte was born in 2015, and was a complete surprise to us. Each of them have changed our lives completely.
Currently I'm in school to become a counselor who focuses on trauma and grief.
I love Jesus - even though sometimes I get really angry and upset at the way our life has gone. I hope through my faults, insecurities, snarkiness, selfish nature, and general mess - my love for Christ and His work in my life shines through in my story.


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