The Blessing of Unplanned Sibling Spacing

June 30, 2013

The Blessing of Unplanned Sibling SpacingSaturday night we took Bella to her first movie at a theater. Sam and I were SO excited for her to see a “giant TV” and we chose Monster’s University. (Side note: where are all the G movies lately?) We didn’t make it on time (SURPRISE!) and ended up with a 2 hour wait for the next showing. So we headed to Texas Roadhouse because it just thrills her to no end to throw peanuts on the floor.

Until just the past 2 or so weeks, it hadn’t crossed my mind often this pregnancy about how long it’s simply been us 3. I thought about that a lot with the twins, but this time around I was so paranoid about losing the baby again it was pushed to the side.

We’ve been so, so blessed to have nearly 4 years with Bella alone. Truly, as much as I wish this past year could have been different in many ways, it allowed us time to get to know her as a person even better. I didn’t want my kids spaced this far apart, a comment still nags in my mind someone once said to me about “feeling sorry for people who spaced their children out more than 2 years apart” (which I never understood – isn’t it totally just preference and circumstances?). However, if I look at the benefits that came from this, I truly can see God’s plan in this part. This past year could have been just a complete disaster with her, full of sadness and what if’s, instead it became a time when all three of us truly bonded tighter as a family. A do-over of sorts.

Something you know I’ve wanted for a long time because of her first year.

I got a short glimpse of life with a 2 1/2 year old and pregnancy. It definitely wasn’t easy but we managed, and it had some beautiful moments I’ll never forget. I have to say – 3 1/2 is so.much.easier. Bella truly gets so much more of what’s going on with me. Sure, we have days where she’s a complete disaster and takes advantage of the fact that she can run faster/scream louder/make a mess I can’t reach to clean. The times where she puts her head on my stomach to feel her brother, or announces to her little friends that, “Mama has my brother in her tummy,” or even telling our sitter that the baby is coming out of my ‘gina (that poor girl) – those are so memorable.

I never thought I’d have my next child quite this far behind my first, but the best laid plans hmmm? It’s ok, I know that we can do it sooner if we want to try again for another, but I would also be ok if we waited a while again. Or we adopted at an age in between these two. I’m just grateful that we got the chance to do this again, no matter how far the ages apart.

As we come even closer to ending the party of three I’ve gotten so used to, it absolutely thrills me to think of the new changes to come. I have future memories I can’t wait to see – Bella holding her brother for the first time, him being placed in Sam’s arms, us taking him home, her being a helper (she tells me she’ll change him but I won’t hold her to it lol), and the biggest one for me – him being placed on my chest so that I can both rejoice and cry at all the reasons our son is able to be here with us as I marvel at his perfection.

Even with my everlasting heartache for my twins, I praise my God for oh so many gifts I’ve had my eyes opened to in the midst of this all.

 

8 Comments

  • Karen NumberTwo Hannaford

    August 12, 2013 at 5:11 am

    Spacing between kids isn't a good/bad thing. It's just different. Closer together can be harder from the parenting perspective, especially when they are little. A bigger gap is not the end of the world. The older ones will be able to help out just that much more. It has different challenges (like what movie can we go see as a family?)but that just becomes a part of what your family has to figure out. I have one friend with a 12 year age gap. Older two seem to love the little one. Yes it's different, but it's not bad.

  • Jennifer @ Also Known As…the Wife

    July 1, 2013 at 1:04 pm

    I’m on the other end of this. We were planning on waiting much longer until we had another child (if we did at all) but then I ended up finding out I was pregnant with Jack when Sophia was just over 13 months. I felt like I short changed her out of being an only child for a little longer. In the end though it all worked out as it was meant to be. She’s a wonderful big sister and quite helpful and understanding when it comes to Jack’s needs.

  • Claudia

    July 1, 2013 at 10:10 am

    My boys are actually a lot closer than I had anticipated, 15 1/2 months apart. It took just over a year to conceive the first and thought it may take longer for the second, boy were we surprised. I was hoping for at least a two year gap, but, we have rolled with it and the love my boys have for each other is just the best. There is a 12 and 13 year age gap between them and their step-sister though.

  • Chantal

    July 1, 2013 at 6:21 am

    With a move to Korea, our baby spacing is being pushed a year, so that our kids will be at least 3.5 years apart. I’m not as upset as U thought I’d be! It’s a good spacing I think.

  • Chrissy Sawyer

    July 1, 2013 at 3:49 am

    Double <3 and a side of I know how you feel…except my kids are gonna be, at the very least, 6 & 7 years older before we possibly might even be blessed to conceive…I'm praying for you <3

  • Becky Campbell

    July 1, 2013 at 3:11 am

    I understand! My kids are 5 yrs apart…but I love it! I hadn't thought much about it until the night before I went to be induced. Then, I bawled my eyes out because I realized it was my son's last night as an only child! But being 5…he was more able to understand and it was amazing! It was perfect for us and I'm sure this will be the perfect thing for your family too! 😉

  • Lauren Connelly

    July 1, 2013 at 3:10 am

    <3

  • Jenny McClamroch

    July 1, 2013 at 3:02 am

    Thank you for this. Currently struggling with the fact that God's timing on our spacing doesn't match my own. We've been TTC for a year now and things look less hopeful everyday. Meanwhile my little boy grows a day old everyday.

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