Shaken

August 20, 2013

Today was a very hard day.

Kaden didn’t do well. The steps taken to help him mean he went backwards instead of making the progress we all had been praying he was making.

He has a virus – the HHV6 (Human Herpes Virus 6) that isn’t the herpes we all think of. It’s a form of roseola, in fact almost everyone on earth has been exposed to it. Most children who show symptoms get a fever, flushed cheeks, maybe a cold. (Forgive me if someone who knows much more medical info/lingo reads this and has a head explosion over my terms – I’m trying to explain it how I understand it.)

There are 6 documented cases of HHV6 that have attacked the heart and caused cardiomyopathy. Ever. 6. Each in children older than Kaden. He is currently the youngest known child ever to have this level of it in his system. Each of those children died. There is no known cure. No understanding of where this came from, or reason why it hit him the way it did. He isn’t even able to be a candidate for a heart transplant until they can find out if another heart would be attacked the same way. He isn’t able to be transported anywhere – I know several people have wondered that. He would die in the process as he almost did just getting here.

We are desperate.

I feel so betrayed. So angry still. Each day is a huge wave of emotions. Yesterday we left laughing and talking about his bath and bottle, today we left in tears. Options are limited for him. So is time. He isn’t dying but he isn’t doing well.

I feel like the more I pray or ask everyone to, the worse this gets. Honestly, there is a part of me that is terrified to tell God what we all want because I’m at the point where I’m wondering why we’re given the opposite. I don’t understand His plan in all this, and right now? I don’t care. I want my baby. I want to bring him home and be tired and love on him. I just don’t understand this. I might if it was something like the twins loss – then it would make a little more sense? But this is SO random and strange. What is the point in it all? Why can’t I just have my son?

Once again, so many of my friends get to bring their babies home and we didn’t. Once again we have to deal with this. Once again I’m looking at this grief process wondering if I can do this again. We’ll be asked to make a decision about him if he worsens and can’t be listed for a transplant. How do you do that? How do you decide this is his time?

We fought so hard with Preston and Julian and never had to make that choice. It just happened. Oh God, I don’t think I can say those words. I pray with every fiber of my being that it will never come to that.

Where is the hope for him? My miracle? Why can’t he just be healed? Why is God allowing this all to happen to my tiny son? What is the point in allowing him to suffer like this as we all stand and watch helplessly, to give us a day of rejoicing only to rip it away and smash it to pieces in an instant? How long can my faith hold onto a Savior that lets us go through this a second time? I am furious, my mind races of a thousand ways to bribe Him into doing my will, on my timeline. I would give anything for Kaden to get well. To get that miracle.

Why isn’t He listening to me? And if He is, because that’s what everyone is going to say, then what is this? What is the point of this hell on earth? Why won’t He listen to the cries of my heart and heal my son?

173 Comments

  • Alexa

    August 27, 2013 at 8:46 pm

    Oh honey, I hurt with you. You’re right. It isn’t fair. I hate it that this is what happened and I don’t understand it either. xoxo

  • Debi Nine-Kids

    August 26, 2013 at 11:33 am

    Wrapping you in my prayers and asking God to really hear your voice.

  • Heather Johnson

    August 25, 2013 at 11:32 pm

    Diana ,I have been reading your post and I have the answers you are looking for ,Why does God permit suffering?,What happens to our loved ones who have died? and sooo many more ,im sooo sorry for what you are going through ,I to lost one of my twins at 31 weeks ,it sucks but the bible has answers for you that will truly bring you peace of mind,God would never take your baby from you,he is the epitome of love,1 John 5:19″satan the devil is ruling this world that is why all this horrible stuff happens,you need to visit http://www.jw.org,this website will answer ALL your questions from YOUR bible,there is no obligation to join our religion by visiting this website,it is just there to answer questions,you are definitely in my prayers at this time,I truly hope you find the answers that you are looking for!

  • MattandSara Adopt

    August 24, 2013 at 12:40 am

    I am so sorry. I first came across this blog a few weeks ago when a friemd of mine posted your story. After having four losses, your anger and confusion and desperation resonate so deeply with me! I have continued praying for all of you and checking your posts for updates. There are no words I can say to make this feel better. But I am so deeply sorry for what you are all going through.

  • Lauren Martin

    August 23, 2013 at 1:05 pm

    Lord, please hear our prayers. Please wrap this family in the protection of your arms and grant them strength and courage. Please heal this sweet boy and allow him to grown strong to be a daily reminder of your glorious power. And please give all of his Doctor’s and Nurses’s the knowledge and strength to help care for him. I beg of you! In Jesus name I pray, Amen.

  • MzShay NonYah

    August 23, 2013 at 1:58 am

    a word for ur friend Jess , is to never lose faith! i know its hard but never doubt God and his decsions. sorry for her struggles and broken heart

  • Katie Denny

    August 23, 2013 at 12:27 am

    Jesus holds us dear, even when we're racing, shaken, and fighting the devil's plea to ram ourselves into the nearest tree. His gentle voice is rooting for you. We dont know one another, but I can see your faith is string. Even while you feel that it is weak. I can see your Love for Jesus, even while you believe you might actually come to hate Him. And if I can see it, He can see it. And He is joyful over your affection for Him. And He knows how hard this is. He hopes you will trust Him, trust His will, and know His plan is good. He hopes you will hand your precious son's life into His care, because fir as long as you are holding in, Jesus (a perfect Gentleman) will not force your son from your hands. He waits patiently. He loves you tenderly. Listen for His voice.
    I know its scary to ask His will, but ask. Hear his gentle voice and act as He would request of you. <3
    I hope and pray nothing but the best for yiy and your son. I ask Jesus to lift you up in hope and in joy, and lay His hand of Peace upon you. <3 To show you His goodness.
    He is The King Who walks in the trenches beside us, holding our hand all along the way.
    His way is frightening; but I have the feeling you're a strong fighter.

  • Katherine Stone

    August 22, 2013 at 12:47 pm

    This is so senseless. Only six children. I mean how can this even be happening? There are no words that will make it better, give it a rationale. None. It’s just random and ridiculous and I’m angry and upset and frustrated and sad along with you Diana. It’s not okay that this is happening to you, and yet it is and we all sit and watch and pray for you and Kaden and hope for a miracle because that’s all we can do. Love you.
    ~ K

  • Jessi Jetter

    August 22, 2013 at 6:19 pm

    I am angered and sad that you're going through this. AGAIN. It's unfathomable that you lost two children already and now you're facing the possibility again. I don't understand this and never will. My heart has been broken into a million pieces for you and Sam. I can't even describe it. I can't begin to imagine what it feels like to be in your footsteps. I don't know why these things happen. We will never know. I guess we're not supposed to, but that doesn't help at all. It just makes it harder and the anger stronger. I am praying every day that Kaden pulls through this and that one day this will all be a nightmare in the past as you cuddle with him and Bella on the couch one day. I wish so much that life were not like this for you, Sam, Kaden, and Bella right now. So, so much. My heart is with you Diana.

  • Kim Q

    August 22, 2013 at 10:04 am

    Diana, all the best to you and your family.

    Is Kaden’s virus one that he picked up in utero, or is it one that he picked up at the hospital?

  • Pamela Honey Hickman

    August 22, 2013 at 3:28 pm

    Hun I know its hard. Keep ur faith God sees the illness and hes the only one that can take it away. This happen for a reason sometimes we dont understand why but the good Lord up above has a reason for everything. I will keep little man and your family in my prayers. God bless this family

  • AR

    August 22, 2013 at 12:43 am

    I’m so sorry. Please consider getting a copy of the book “When Bad Things Happen to Good People” – I think it will help you tremendously. I’m sure when the time comes you’ll be guided to the right decisions you need to make for Kaden.

  • Nikki

    August 22, 2013 at 12:01 am

    Oh, Diana, I’m SO sorry & crying with you. 🙁
    I don’t get God either and why things like this happen at all, much less, over and over. :'(
    Yet, I still pray to Him and will keep all of you in prayer….

    xo

  • Laurel

    August 21, 2013 at 11:23 pm

    I add my prayers to all of the voices here. I am so sad for the pain you all are going through. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Please, Jesus, heal Kaden.

  • Amanda

    August 21, 2013 at 10:48 pm

    There are no words, only prayers. Praying for your family’s strength and Kayden’s heart.

  • Kristin Loomis

    August 21, 2013 at 6:46 pm

    Sorry, i put the wrong web link in. Here it is:
    HHV-6foundation.org

  • Kristin Loomis

    August 21, 2013 at 6:44 pm

    Hello, One of your friends alerted me to this situation.

    The baby should be on valganciclovir (antiviral). You need to insist on this because many doctors won’t prescribe it because it is only approved for HHV-5 (CMV).

    If the baby has not been put on this antiviral (or cidofovir or foscarnet) please contact me, Kristin Loomis, at the HHV6 Foundation. 805-969-1174

  • Steph

    August 21, 2013 at 5:51 pm

    I can’t even imagine what you must feel like. My heart sinks every time I read an update on Kaden’s situation. I am praying for your family.

  • Aly

    August 21, 2013 at 5:37 pm

    I read your post earlier today and I didn’t really know what to say. I realize that nothing I can say is going to heal your heart or provide much comfort. You’re having to do a really hard thing – live your faith when it’s hard and when circumstances just don’t make sense. I’m sure I’d be feeling the same way if I was going through the same experience. Ann Voskamp is one of my favorite thinkers/writers these days. Today she posted about one of her author friends and I just wanted to share this resource which made me think of you: http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1415869979/ref=as_li_ss_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=1415869979&linkCode=as2&tag=holyexper-20. Maybe finding community with those that have shared similar hardships will help. God loves you and your family and doesn’t want any of you to suffer. I’ll keep praying for God’s glory to shine through and heal your baby and your heart.

  • Jeanie

    August 21, 2013 at 4:38 pm

    So many prayers for you and Kaden. Hugs.

  • Shawn

    August 21, 2013 at 4:10 pm

    I can’t even imagine what you and your family are going through. I just wish you peace and strength during this time. And strength to darling Kaden as well! Hugs and love, mama.

  • Allison

    August 21, 2013 at 3:53 pm

    NO. No, no, no. This can’t be happening and it isn’t fair and it makes no sense. The fact that you are holding it together and making the decisions you have to make when you have to make them shows that you are doing everything you can for Kaden. Just keep going. Keep being there for him. Don’t let this overwhelm you while he still needs you to fight and be strong and be his mom. I am truly in awe at what an amazing mother you are to be able to gather all this information and wrap your mind around what is happening and still keep going. I don’t know what else to say except that I’m still here, praying that Kaden gets better or gets the transplant to make him better or the doctors figure out something more to do. Keep fighting.

  • Carol Davis

    August 21, 2013 at 3:49 pm

    You do not know me, but nearly 15 years ago I could have written almost the exact words that you are writing. A virus attacked my newborn son’s heart (coxsackie). Not a candidate for transplant, too sick to transfer ( we couldn’t even touch him), 100 miles from home, 1 step forward and 2 steps back. At one point we were told to say goodbye. Nathan is now nearly 15. He takes medicine twice daily for dilated cardiomyopathy but lives a fairly normal life. Miracles can happen. I will be praying for yours.

  • Maura

    August 21, 2013 at 2:44 pm

    Keeping you and yours in my thoughts and prayers.

  • Jessica

    August 21, 2013 at 2:06 pm

    praying for your family. this isn’t fair that you have to endure all of this. so sorry….

  • Elise N Hoffman

    August 21, 2013 at 8:01 pm

    No matter what happens, Diana, when you are on the other side of this, you are going to have such an IMMENSELY greater understanding of the love of God who offered up His son for us and watched Him suffer for us.
    But that is of no comfort at all right now, I know.
    I have not been in your position, and I am sure I would not handle it any better than you are, so I'm in no position to offer advice. But I share this as something learned from others I've known who would understand better what you're going through right now: Kaden is your Isaac. Surrender him to God. As much as you can, with all the strength and trust you can summon, give him to God. And I will keep praying, with you and the thousands united in prayer over that beautiful boy, that God will give him back to you.
    Praying and believing God is able to redeem broken hearts- Kaden's and yours. <3

  • Jessica

    August 21, 2013 at 1:58 pm

    Just another mother out here sending you wishes for peace and strength.

  • Elaine A.

    August 21, 2013 at 1:13 pm

    I don’t know what to think or to say other than that I am SO very sorry that you all are going through this and I wish there was anything I could do to make it better. To make him better. Much love to you. I can feel the aching in your Mama heart…

  • TamiJoy Sisemore

    August 21, 2013 at 7:08 pm

    Praying for your son and you

  • sherry

    August 21, 2013 at 1:05 pm

    My heart breaks for you. I am a stranger, and I thought at first that I was helpless to offer anything of real use, but then I went back to the line–“We will have to make a decision for him—how do we do that?’ I had to do that for my mother, not at all the same as a child, but I had nothing to go on, no idea what she would want me to do or decide for her. I will never forget the Social Worker who sat down with me and said, “Tell me about your mother.” I talked for ten minutes, telling her all about my mother, what she was like, what she liked, what she didn’t like, her reactions to pain and sickness…..and it helped me so much. I was able to make decisions based on who she was, and the staff could help guide me in the decisions I had to make based on knowing about her. I tried to make choices based on her ability/inability to continue being who she was.

    My mother was an adult, and my parent and Kaden is your child. I realize it’s very different, but maybe it will help you cope with all of this and process what you need to absorb if you can talk to someone–or everyone–about who he is, instead of what’s he’s struggling with. It doesn’t matter how tiny he is–you are his mother, and you know him. Tell someone, everyone, about your child and the person that he is.

  • Kathy G.

    August 21, 2013 at 12:38 pm

    Diana, my heart goes out to you. Our first son was stillborn 32 years ago August 31. It was one of the hardest things I have ever gone through. After he was gone, I was reading through a family genealogy and found out that my grandmother lost six babies (one set of twins). One little girl was about 8 months old. We take it for granted in our day that babies will survive, but before the medical discoveries of the last 50 years or so, a lot of babies died. And they still do in some of the poor parts of the world. I guess I’m trying to say that God isn’t picking on you. Choose to trust, and He will bring good out of this. Jesus once said to John the Baptist, “Blessed is he who is not offended in Me.” (John was losing his faith because Jesus wasn’t doing what he expected Him to.)(Matt. 11: 6) Please hear my heart- I am not judging you or condemning you for honest anger. I just would hate it if in this trial, you would lose more than a baby. (And we don’t know that yet.) Stand firm. He’s there. Caring so much for you and your family.

    1. Kathy G.

      August 21, 2013 at 11:16 pm

      When it says offended in the Bible, it doesn’t mean angry, but to fall away or stumble. Just thought I’d clarify that. Caring about your pain.

  • Lindsey Loren Bukhari

    August 21, 2013 at 6:32 pm

    sending prayers. prayers. prayers. for this little angel and for your heart!

  • Tracy Beck Dallison

    August 21, 2013 at 6:13 pm

    I am praying for you and Kaden! I think GOD must grieve this way for so many people who are suffering in spite of HIS Love! You truly have an understanding of GOD's grief!!

  • Melissa

    August 21, 2013 at 12:12 pm

    Praying for miraculous healing and overwhelming peace. love to your family.

  • Amy Allen Gooder

    August 21, 2013 at 5:59 pm

    OH Diana…this isn't fair. I'm so sorry. I'm still praying. I won't stop. And please know you are in my heart.

  • Rachel Haney

    August 21, 2013 at 11:48 am

    My heart is broken for you, Diana. I am praying for a miracle. This is the worst. I’m so sorry.

  • Trina

    August 21, 2013 at 11:38 am

    I have no words of comfort, but God must have led me to Isaiah 40 this morning just for you. He knows every name and sees every little babe. And while the Devil serves his doses of evil to knock us over with more than we can handle, we are assured God strengthens the weak. You can’t handle this, but He can if you wait on Him. I am so sorry and praying this comfort over you and your family.

  • Andrea Jacobson

    August 21, 2013 at 5:30 pm

    This sucks. That's all I can think. I'm so sorry you're dealing with this and not knowing what is going to happen or why things have happened. Sending you love and strength for you to continue to carry on.

  • Tiany

    August 21, 2013 at 11:27 am

    I’m heart broken for you. My pastor always tells us to stand firm in our faith when we pray and it looks as though things turn for the worst, the enemy will come to attack stronger and harder when our faith increases. I am not in your shoes and I have no clue where I would be to have to endure such pain. I am praying for you, praying for peace that passes all understanding, praying for clear answers, praying for Gods perfect will to be revealed. We never know why we endure the horrific things we do here on earth but I pray that somehow all things will be used for good, somehow. Fervently praying.

  • Cara Dean Jouglard

    August 21, 2013 at 5:18 pm

    Sending prayers and love your way.

  • Dianna

    August 21, 2013 at 11:10 am

    I had to make that decision. To let my 11 week old daughter go. It is the hardest decision you will ever have to make. She passed on June 29, and I do not regret my decision. It was the best thing I could have done for her.

    I sorted my feelings out on it ahead of time. I had a feeling it was coming. I knew what my answer would be if I was ever asked that question. I did my research. I made SURE that I truly believed that there would be no even halfway decent quality of life for her.

    I believe that God exists, but my feelings on him are decidedly non-favorable, so I’m not going to give you any of this ‘just keep praying’ or ‘I’m praying for you’ stuff.

    I hope you don’t have to make that decision. I really, really do.

    But if you do have to make it, its much easier to get through knowing that you know in your heart and mind that you made the right decision.

    Ultimately you have to ask yourself to define life.

    I hope you can be strong, no matter what happens.

  • Pat

    August 21, 2013 at 11:07 am

    It’s so hard to believe that, after all you’ve been through, you have to deal with this heartbreaking situation. My thoughts are with you.

  • Whitney Lett

    August 21, 2013 at 5:05 pm

    Begging God for a miracle. Please Lord heal little Kaden and give his family strength and hope.

  • Mommy Points

    August 21, 2013 at 10:54 am

    NICU stays are such a terrible and painful roller-coaster. Thankfully our stay while very scary at the start, ended well. I pray that you are at one of the low points right now and that things will look a bit brighter again soon. Thoughts and prayers are with you.

  • Erine Mackie

    August 21, 2013 at 10:52 am

    Our heart is breaking for you and for your dear family.

    We prayed constantly for miracles for our son when he was so very ill in the NICU- and when miracles weren’t answered, we were filled with anger and a loss of the Christian faith which we thought was so strong. Then, we realized: There is a plan, although we don’t know what it is, for our son. His life has been given by our Lord, and our Lord had appointed a time for him to live, as well as a time for him to pass away- as he has us all. Miracles happen, but they happen by his will, by his plan- not by our pleading. I realized that day that I didn’t need a miracle- I needed grace. Grace, to accept what He had ordained for my son, and grace to strengthen me in the battle that was to come. The realization of this was as profound a moment in my life as anything that had ever occurred, and it has strengthened me through the many heartaches that have come- losing my son, miscarriages, my husband’s injury in Iraq, and my mother’s ongoing terminal illness.

    I pray for grace for you and for your sweet family, and the strength to get through whatever the future holds.

  • Melissa P.

    August 21, 2013 at 10:48 am

    Praying that your beautiful baby boy will be a miraculous testimony to God’s love, power, strength, and grace. God has a plan for your little boy’s life. Never give up. Tell Him what you want. Yell to the Heavens if you have to. Let it all out. God cares and He does understand. I think of Job and then I think of you and your family. God will make a way. ♥

    God will make a way
    Where there seems to be no way
    He works in ways we cannot see
    He will make a way for me

    He will be my guide
    Hold me closely to His side
    With love and strength for each new day
    He will make a way, He will make a way
    http://www.elyrics.net/read/d/don-moen-lyrics/god-will-make-a-way-lyrics.html

  • jana

    August 21, 2013 at 10:37 am

    I’ve come back 4 times now to write a comment and I’m still at a loss for words. I am praying as hard as I know how to. For what? I’m not sure. A miracle. Peace. Comfort. A cure. A transplant. All of it. Every bit of it. I’ve had to make that hard, seemingly impossible decision, and I don’t even know how to tell you to do it. I’m so sorry this is happening. I’m just furious and heartbroken for you. Much love. 🙁

  • Michelle Arons Dorsey

    August 21, 2013 at 4:28 pm

    I am so sorry you are going thru this. I lost my son 1/10/2012. I too had to make the decision when is enough enough trust me when I say you will know. My Nathan looked at me with such pain in his eyes he was just to tired to go on. I will keep you in my prayers.

  • Stacy

    August 21, 2013 at 10:24 am

    Diana, I can’t even imagine what you and Sam are going through, my heart hurts for you and your family that you have been dealt so much in the last couple of years.

    I was reading a daily devotional this morning and as I was reading, God whispered your name to me. The devotional is at http://proverbs31.org/devotions/devo/running-on-empty/

    What really jumped out at me in regards to you is her take on 2 Corinthians 12:9 – “But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.”

    She says “So how do I manage it all? Every day I turn to God and rely on what 2 Corinthians 12:9 teaches me …

    I don’t have it in me to do this one more day, I need Your strength.

    I don’t have the patience in me for this … I need Your patience.

    I can’t think straight right now … I need Your clarity.

    I’m not even sure I have love in me right now … I need Your love.”

    You are a strong person and you have the strongest faith I have ever been privileged to witness. I know that you will make it through this even though the road through is so incredibly hard and it sucks!

    And of course, you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

  • Amy

    August 21, 2013 at 10:07 am

    Diana,

    The truth is that death was never in God’s plan. Sickness, worry, strife, and hopelessness was NOT what God intended for us. I take comfort knowing that God never planned or wanted this for our lives. He never wanted my son to die.

    I’m glad you know that we can’t understand this. It’s true – these things are past our control and it’s impossible to know why these things happen.

    I’m praying God’s peace to flood over you and your family and for miraculous healing for Kaden. God loves you and hurts right alongside you.

    I’m praying for you friend.

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  • Sadia

    August 21, 2013 at 9:48 am

    Let me scream what we’re all thinking. THIS IS NOT FAIR.

    You have more than earned a break. A miracle. Both. I wish I knew someone who could just swoop in and make it all better. If there was ever a mom who could pull her baby through this, it’s you.

    Thinking of you in Central Texas.

  • Susan

    August 21, 2013 at 9:09 am

    Diana you are truly blessed with incredible friends. What has been expressed by them in these posts is nothing short of total love. acceptance, hurt and encouragement for you and your family. Thank you for your openness in your blog. I would think that there would be some level of release for you with putting your feelings on paper. Mare’s post above is what I want to say to you as well, but I just can’t express it as well as she did. My heart breaks for you as well. I will continue to lift you, Kaden, Sam and your family up in prayer, for comfort that passes all understanding. We know that God “can” do a
    miracle. I love you!

  • Mel

    August 21, 2013 at 8:45 am

    I too am a silent reader of your blog but this update moved me to respond in a way that I can’t explain. It is ok to feel betrayed by God in this. I feel betrayed for you. But please, as hard as it is, keep your faith. Keep believing that your precious son and family will come through this. You will have hurt, you will have moments when there is nothing left in you but anger, but through all the rocky roads and bumps, you will continue to have each other. God will continue to hold you, Kaden, Sam, Bella and every one of those friends, family members and doctors that are clinging on to Hope. I will continue to pray, cry, rejoice with you, just as so many other strangers have. You have a mighty following and God is listening. Much love to your entire family.

  • Karen Grapes

    August 21, 2013 at 2:17 pm

    Lord, we beg you to heal this baby boy and restore all that would be lost by not healing Kaden. Faith, love, praise and glory all would bound from the earth to your glory when Kaden is healed and a living witness to your honor Lord. Please help the doctors to bring more and more strength to Kaden with each breath he takes. And comfort Diana's soul as she reaches for her son…let her know and have faith that all will be well soon. Hear our prayers Lord. Amen.

  • Jen D.

    August 21, 2013 at 8:08 am

    I can offer not a single word that would bring you peace or understanding. I can only offer prayers and outstretched arms for a miraculous healing for Kaden. My biggest hope is that you can use Kaden’s healing as a incredible testimony to the power of our God. He says in His word that he is near to the broken-hearted and I pray at this very moment, when your heart is literally broken and you cannot breathe, you feel His nearness.

  • Jess

    August 21, 2013 at 8:00 am

    Diana, from the bottom of my heart I’m thinking of you all and hoping for the best. I understand the frustration. xoxoxo

  • Tom Perloff

    August 21, 2013 at 1:52 pm

    Psalm 121
    1 I will lift up my eyes to the hills—
    From whence comes my help?
    2 My help comes from the Lord,
    Who made heaven and earth.
    3 He will not allow your foot to be moved;
    He who keeps you will not slumber.
    4 Behold, He who keeps Israel
    Shall neither slumber nor sleep.
    5 The Lord is your keeper;
    The Lord is your shade at your right hand.
    6 The sun shall not strike you by day,
    Nor the moon by night.
    7 The Lord shall preserve you from all evil;
    He shall preserve your soul.
    8 The Lord shall preserve your going out and your coming in
    From this time forth, and even forevermore.

  • Maria

    August 21, 2013 at 7:49 am

    I think a lot of people are angry right now. From the minute I found out, I was more angry than sad. Of course, every time I read an update my eyes burn and my throat closes up, but I’m angry. Why you? Why Kaden? Haven’t you been through enough?

  • Shannon Mashburn

    August 21, 2013 at 1:49 pm

    I am so so sorry. I can't imagine the hurt and fear you feel. I understand all you've said, as I have said the same over and over. Why? All I know is that Jesus is OKAY with you being mad and frustrated and angry, and he is okay with you not caring about His plan in all this. His plan was for your baby to grow up and be healthy and happy, but this sinful world has destroyed that. As you know, none of us have a guarantee of when our time is. You will also not be making the decision of your son's "time". Just as Abraham had to sacrifice Isaac, we all sacrifice our children in trust that The Lord knows what is best. I will be praying for you and your family. Allow yourself to feel, and more important than anything else, talk to Jesus. As we all know, He answers in ways that constantly surprise us. <3 Big big hugs!

  • Connie Michael Brosko

    August 21, 2013 at 7:48 am

    I am praying for you and so many others are as well…Kaden is on his journey with Jesus Christ you need to only love him and enjoy him stop looking at him suffer and watch his fight for life. Take a minute to breathe feel his little breath on your cheek and know he feels your anger and your pain. Your calm and peace will lighten his heart and mind give him those gifts ! God has you and he has Kaden in the palm of his hand.

  • Heidi

    August 21, 2013 at 7:46 am

    My heart breaks for you Diana and your husband. I’m praying along with everyone else for a miracle for your family. You’ve already been through far too much.
    xoxo

  • Beth Anne Ballance

    August 21, 2013 at 1:43 pm

    This. Fucking. Sucks.

  • Sherri Buresh Johnson

    August 21, 2013 at 1:29 pm

    Praying for your baby boy!

  • Rebekah

    August 21, 2013 at 7:22 am

    I found your blog about 6 months ago – and it’s one of my favorites. I am sending as many positive prayers of healing for Kaden and of strength for you as I can.

  • Brandy Johnson Holowka

    August 21, 2013 at 1:14 pm

    I don't know you but a friend of mine has been following your story on facebook. I've been praying for you, your husband, your family, the doctors and nursers and especially for Kaden. I'm praying with you for the miracle. We all wish we had the answers you are seeking. I completely understand your hurt and anger and frustration and have to agree with Adrienne Jones, God can handle your feelings! And maybe it's getting harder and harder for you to pray, to even know how and what to pray. So know that we are praying when you can't. And praying. And praying.

  • Jessi

    August 21, 2013 at 6:23 am

    “Heavenly Father, we pray and beg for divine intervention. We ask, Lord, that you heal Kaden and that you carry Diana, Sam and Bella through this journey. I pray that they can feel your presence every step of the way and that they do not lose faith. I pray for comfort and peace in their hearts. I pray for wisdom in the doctors who care for Kaden and that you work through their hands. Father, we ask for a miracle. We ask for divine intervention, Lord. We ask all these things in Your son, Jesus Christ’s name, AMEN.”

  • Elizabeth

    August 21, 2013 at 6:19 am

    We have to remember. All of us. This isn’t God. The enemy comes at us every day as a roaring lion. Seeking to kill and destroy. God perfectly knit Kaden together in Diana’s womb. He IS her victory baby. So who comes in to steal the spotlight? Guess who! I don’t know why God doesn’t step in. Only He knows. I could give explanations of biblical truth, but those don’t give comfort to a mother and many mothers who just want their babies to be okay. I could explain how Adam and Eve’s rebellion makes this Satan’s domain until Christ returns and reclaims the keys to the kingdom. How does that comfort a father, who thinks every time he holds or sees a child it could be his last?
    This is war. It’s ugly. It’s awful and it’s never fair. But we pray. And we hope. And we try not to die in our sorrow.

  • Jill

    August 21, 2013 at 6:15 am

    It’s not fair. My heart aches for you and I pray your Kaden finds some way to survive this. To beat this HHV6 and gets a new heart that is strong enough to keep him alive for 100 years plus one.

  • Mitch Mitchell Johnson

    August 21, 2013 at 12:08 pm

    Praying urgently and many times today!

  • Miranda

    August 21, 2013 at 6:00 am

    I feel like reading these posts from you is just a bad dream. Oh, I wish that’s all it was. My heart breaks for you, Kaden, Sam, and Bella. I just cannot believe this is happening to you again. Know that you all are in my prayers and cross my mind daily. I am still hoping for that miracle for Kaden.

  • Priscilla Blossom

    August 21, 2013 at 11:49 am

    You and your child are in my thoughts. I'm so sorry you've already been through so much. I've lost a child before, too, and can only understand and sympathize with a portion of your pain. Stay strong for your little one, find the strength within yourself to do what you can. I don't know why awful things happen. Life's kind of screwed up like that. It certainly isn't fair. I hope you and your family are able to pull through in all this and that your son is able to make it through everything and back home and in your arms safely. It's definitely not fair that he has to go through any of this. Keep your faith within yourself and your abilities to be the strongest mom for him ever and to comfort your baby through all of this.

  • Joanna

    August 21, 2013 at 5:39 am

    Sending all of my love and prayers for sweet Kaden.

  • Valanne

    August 21, 2013 at 5:25 am

    So many of us that have never been able to give you a hug in person, weep along with you because we are siblings in our faith. We only have the power to pray, but we wish we had so much more. . .

  • Carrie T.

    August 21, 2013 at 5:24 am

    I am praying for Kaden and your family.

  • John R. Levac

    August 21, 2013 at 10:49 am

    Sorry post got cut, we will pray for you and your family.

  • John R. Levac

    August 21, 2013 at 10:48 am

    As a SIDS parent I'd like to say I understand you pain, but I can't. Grief is different for everyone. I can tell you God has not abandoned you. He will never abandon you. When we lost our son, God was with us every step of the way. I can not tell why , Diana you are on a tough road, and nothing I say or anyone says will make it easier. Look to God for your streng

  • Diane Taylor

    August 21, 2013 at 4:47 am

    Come quickly Lord Jesus – this family needs you in every way possible. They need the comfort of your arms, the sound of your voice, and your healing hands on this blessed child.

  • Tiffany Barnes

    August 21, 2013 at 10:31 am

    Sweet Stone family, I am so sorry. Don't allow yourself to go "there" until you have to. Even in the darkest hour, when you're most angry at God, still hold onto that hope. Know that people around the world are praying for him, so close your eyes and feel our love, support, and hope when you are struggling most. XOXO

  • Kim

    August 21, 2013 at 3:14 am

    Diana, I am so very sorry that you are going through this.
    Keeping Kaden, and your whole family in my thoughts and prayers x

  • Misty Gowdy

    August 21, 2013 at 8:53 am

    God be with this family , precious baby and most of all this mother who is in pain and at a loss for words. Help her to see your plan for her baby. Bring her comfort, understanding, unwaiving faith, and ability to care for herself, other children, husband, family and this baby. Walk hand in hand with her shield herafter so mmuch pain she has already endured. Heal this precious beautiful baby, take all the pain, and sickness away. Heal him so that h may come home be with family and friends have a normal life play with family friends siblings and so many others. Use him to be a witness to others in his growing years and then as an adult to do something great for someone else or as a doctor or so on. Bless the all on this journey. In gods name AMEN

  • Lindsey Duncan Renuard

    August 21, 2013 at 8:47 am

    I wish I had some wise words but I don't. I do have prayer and you and your son are in my prayers right now.

  • Emily FaliLv

    August 21, 2013 at 8:25 am

    Praying. Still praying. <3

  • tania schembri

    August 21, 2013 at 1:55 am

    I wake up every morning with the hope of reading that Kaden is doing well , I am so sad ,but where there is life there is hope ,please don’t give up on prayers God will touch his small heart and make it work properly pray Diana pray for this miracle to happen on your little boy he will be the miracle baby . I am praying for him . lots of love for your family and lots of prayers too .love from Malta .

  • Friederike

    August 21, 2013 at 12:57 am

    Hi Diana, I stumbled on your blog through Facebook. I read your story and honestly, I don’t know what to say, other than: I feel really shaken and I send all my best wishes to you and Kaden!

  • Vanessa Corazon

    August 21, 2013 at 6:03 am

    So much love to you, I wish there was something I could say or do to ease his and your pain. I am thinking of you and your family xxx

  • Sarah

    August 20, 2013 at 11:59 pm

    Diana- I want you to know that our God is still the God of miracles. I watched my son’s heart be miraculously healed nearly 2 years ago. The same God who healed the blind, the sick, the lame and rose a child from the dead, the God who healed my son’s heart, He is still performing miracles today. This is the same God who brought me peace through our storm. I will pray for your faith to be increased, for peace to wash over you and ultimately for God’s healing power to cover sweet Kaden’s sweet body.

    Something I had to pray everyday when my Rhett was sick to keep my mind from going to a scary place was 2 Corinthians 10:5-“We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.”

    God holds your sweet boy in His hands. I read in one of your posts that you are “not one of those people who has such strong faith that I go boldly before my God with Requests”. Do it, sweet friend! Go boldy before your God. Speak life and healing over your son. Claim scripture over him and by His stripes…Kaden is healed! In Jesus name. I will be praying for you sweet baby. I’m so sorry that you are having to experience this. I will never understand why these this happen.

  • Leslie Milne

    August 21, 2013 at 5:51 am

    God knows the suffering you are going through, watching as your precious son encounters the unimaginable. Remember, he went through that too. We serve a big God, a loving God who weeps with you. Our grief keeps us from seeing the whole picture, but because sin is present in our world, we will suffer. He just can't grant each of our desires every time. He knows our future, and our purpose. To everyone who reads this, please pray without ceasing and share this story, specifically asking for prayer. I've seen God perform awesome miracles and I'm just going to ask for one for Kaden!

  • Joanne Beasley

    August 21, 2013 at 5:51 am

    You are the Lord our God, who divided the sea whose waves roared, the Lord of Hosts is Your name.You Who divided the seas whose waves roared, thank You for bringing healing and wholeness to Kaden's heart and body. Thank You for giving strength to his immune system. Virus you must bow to the name of Jesus and get out of Kaden's body. His name is highly exalted above every other name, in heaven, on earth, and under the earth. Father God, thank You for bringing order and peace to Kaden's body and heart. Thank You for giving Diana and Sam Your presence, God.

  • Heidi Schweitzer-Garcia

    August 21, 2013 at 5:44 am

    🙁

  • Kay

    August 20, 2013 at 11:40 pm

    My daughter had pityriasis rosea (HHV7) which is a similar to chicken pox and other related viruses. Like with your son’s virus its something a lot of people have but only a few people will experience symptoms from. Even though her pediatricians assured me it was self limiting I still went crazy looking into natural cures. I found out that licorice is extremely potent in fighting all the herpes type viruses from cold sores too shingles. http://www.naturalnews.com/022189_herb_tonic_licorice.html
    It seemed to help my daughter pretty instantly.
    I will keep your family in my prayers. Stay strong and don’t give up hope. Sending positive vibes, love, and hugs your way.

  • Marcella Frederick Coe

    August 21, 2013 at 5:36 am

    I am so sorry and pray The Lord restore Kaden's health and heal your hearts.

  • Sara Marie Differding

    August 21, 2013 at 5:27 am

    Jesus, Jesus, Jesus…

  • Tiffany Harper

    August 21, 2013 at 5:07 am

    I wish with everything I could give you an answer. I am in tears for you. Praying, no pleading with God for Kaden. For his healing.

  • Kelly Murray Gardner

    August 21, 2013 at 5:07 am

    Continued prayers in the face of this.

  • MommaBird

    August 20, 2013 at 11:07 pm

    My heart is breaking for you – I wish I had words

    Praying and wishing my hardest for you and Kaden

  • Danielle Elliott Smith

    August 21, 2013 at 4:57 am

    My heart hurts for you…. saying prayers. Sending love. Closing my eyes and wishing with everything I have…. xoxo

  • Kristen C

    August 20, 2013 at 10:40 pm

    I do not know you personally, and this is the first time I have seen your blog, as someone posted a link to it. I just wanted to let you know that I am lifting up a prayer for you and your family and your baby to the one and only Healer I know.

  • Devan McGuinness

    August 20, 2013 at 10:39 pm

    Sending love and light to you, Kaden, Sam, & Bella. I wish I had magic words for you, but know you’re not alone, even when the world feels so dark. So many people rooting for peace and healing for your family xxo

  • catie

    August 20, 2013 at 10:35 pm

    I am praying that there would be a thread of life that runs from the Lord of Lords to your precious baby boy. I pray that this would bring him through this time where his life seems squeezed so thin, it looks like it is at the point of breaking. But I’m praying that it will NOT break. I’m praying that the Lord would bring your boy through this to a life of love and thriving. I pray for your fragile heart, and for the heart of your husband. I pray that the prayers of the saints would sustain and carry you both right now when you cannot sustain and carry yourself. I pray that the Lord would unleash His wild and furious love on your family. I pray for the strength to continue fighting. Know that you are being covered in prayer! There are not words to convey the heartache I, and others, feel for your family. We are praying, praying, praying. You are loved.

  • Ashley

    August 20, 2013 at 10:31 pm

    I dont know.

    And it’s ok to be angry at God. Even Jesus cries out “My God, My God, why have you forsaken me”. All I can say is hold on tight to that Savior because He understands.

    Love you and am covering Kaden in prayers

    1. claire

      August 21, 2013 at 10:05 pm

      Yes this! I was going to say the same. Time and time again in both the new and old testament people shouted out to god. Got angry at him for what they were put through-especially Davids psalms and Jesus on the cross. We don’t do it enough in our society but we should. We should cry out and yet hold on to Jeremiah 33:3 God promises “call on me and I will answer you”

  • Erin James @ Sweetness Itself Blog

    August 20, 2013 at 10:23 pm

    Praying so much for you. xo hugs

  • Jill @BabyRabies

    August 20, 2013 at 10:21 pm

    I have no words, Diana. I’m angry and sad for you. Keeping you in my heart, my thoughts, my prayers.

  • Andrea B (@goodgirlgonered)

    August 20, 2013 at 10:14 pm

    Oh, Diana. I’m so sorry. So sad. My own heart hurts and breaks into pieces over this update.

    I keep you all in my thoughts and prayers. Thinking of you and your loved ones. Hold them close and I pray for strength.

  • Heather Buchanan Spohr

    August 21, 2013 at 4:13 am

    I am sick over this. It's not fair. It's so unfair.

  • Sherri Kuhn

    August 21, 2013 at 4:08 am

    I am so very sorry that today didn't go well. There is nothing I can say to make this better,but my heart hurts for your family.

  • Edye Grover

    August 21, 2013 at 4:01 am

    I don't have any answeres or the ability to take away your pain! But I have great hope for your precious family and Kaden. I am praying that your wounds will heal and that God grants you the miracle Kaden and you deserve!!! In my thoughts and prayers!

  • Faith

    August 20, 2013 at 9:58 pm

    I’m so sorry you guys are going through this. Hugs to you and your family.

  • Amber Eberhart

    August 21, 2013 at 3:55 am

    Oh dear God, please heal little Kaden and hold Diana's heart. Lord, this truly doesn't make sense and it is beyond heartbreaking and scary. Please intercede for this family's needs by your Spirit and bolster their fai where it is weak. God when they can do nothing else help them to speak your Name and have peace. Amen.

  • Fadra Nally

    August 21, 2013 at 3:52 am

    I have a horrible pit in my stomach. I so want you to bring Kaden home and live happily ever after. I'm praying that a miracle is in the plan.

  • Cindy Earley Currell

    August 21, 2013 at 3:48 am

    *Kaden

  • Holly Troy Brandes

    August 21, 2013 at 3:47 am

    There are no words. Just prayers and hugs sent your way.

  • Cindy Earley Currell

    August 21, 2013 at 3:46 am

    I am so sorry that you are dealing with this. Please check into the use of lysine for the treatment of hhv-6. It is effective treatment for all of the viruses in the herpes family. I don't know if it crosses over breast milk, so ask about it. Laden. is in my prayers.

  • Mandy Reid

    August 21, 2013 at 3:45 am

    Jesus please… We are begging you. Please heal Kaden.

  • Amber Bruns

    August 21, 2013 at 3:40 am

    Praying that god grant her peace and she feels his loving arms surround their family

  • Elizabeth Barone

    August 20, 2013 at 9:35 pm

    Oh, Diana, my heart is so broken for you. This just isn’t fair. I don’t know what to say, other than I’m crying and hoping with you, and sending hugs and love your way.

  • Christine

    August 20, 2013 at 9:33 pm

    I don’t know what to say but I have to write something. To let you know that I’m thinking of you so furiously right now. I just can’t believe you’re all going through this.

  • Mare

    August 20, 2013 at 9:28 pm

    You can shake your fists at God, I would be doing that too. He understands your anger and your grief. There is suffering everywhere in the world. We are not exempt simply because we’ve suffered before. I can assure you that God IS in control and Kaden is in the palm of HIS hand. God is weeping with you, b/c his heart breaks with the imperfections of the world. Disease and death were never his plan for us. There is no explanation for why you are dealing with this other than life is imperfect. And unfair. And full of struggle and waiting and sadness. But Christ has OVERCOME the world. I know you cannot see it now, but good will win, life will be sustained, in one form or another. I am praying for peace of mind for you, PEACE of MIND and HEART.
    I was in the crucible about 8 years ago, and just wanted to die. Life was too painful. But God brought me through. He is life and truth and love. He is with you and your family. He is right there in the middle. Cry and yell and tell him about your heartache. He can take it. Many are with you in spirit and lifting you up. Be not afraid.
    Mare

    1. Susan

      August 21, 2013 at 8:53 am

      Mare, your post is so uplifting and well said. I agree with you totally. Because of what you went through, now you can be a credible witness for those like the Stones who are going through this now. God bless you!

  • Shannon McAvoy

    August 21, 2013 at 3:25 am

    I have no words. Other than I'm praying for you all. Prayers for overall healing, of him, of you, your family. I'm so sorry you have to go through this. I have no words 🙁

  • Lauren

    August 20, 2013 at 9:22 pm

    Tonight, I will do something I haven’t done in a while.
    I will fall to my knees and pray.

  • Sharee Krueger Morris

    August 21, 2013 at 3:19 am

    I am so very sorry, my heart breaks for the pain and anguish. It isn't fair, you shouldn't have to go through this again but we are still praying, still holding on to hope. Begging him.

  • Debby Dawson

    August 21, 2013 at 3:12 am

    Praying so very hard

  • Monica

    August 20, 2013 at 9:07 pm

    I am so sorry you are dealing with this. Many prayers for you tonight, and always.

  • Mandy Jackson

    August 21, 2013 at 3:05 am

    I love you. Praying for Kaden<3

  • Michele

    August 20, 2013 at 9:05 pm

    You should give yourself permission to feel angry and betrayed!! I can’t believe why anyone needs to suffer this way in this world. And particularly YOU of anyone, someone who seems like such a wonderful person and a borned mommy. This is way too unfair! Your story makes me cry and shake me to the core. I am SO VERY SORRY for what you are going through Diana! Wish I can help in any way. We all understand your anger. Dear little Kaden is an absolutely gorgeous little treasure. We are all hoping for this Miracle, you so deserve it…

  • Michelle Lawson

    August 21, 2013 at 3:05 am

    My daughter is one of two known cases in the world with her particular condition/disability. Being ultra rare, in medical terms, is not something I ever aspired to for my children! But 10 years ago in the dark dark days of her hovering between life and death as a 4lbs premmie baby, I could only sit by her humidicrib, cry lots and beg God to let me be her Mum. No matter what. He granted my wish and I thank HIM every day. People ask how we deal with our life with all its difficulties being parents to two children with special needs. And I tell them, they are perfect and just the way God intended them to be. It's the rest of the world who sees them as different. Not God. I will pray for Kaden's healing. And for sleep for you as I know that is not something I did well when my baby was in NICU. God Bless from Australia.

  • Angi

    August 20, 2013 at 9:01 pm

    Oh sweet friend I am praying for you and Kaden.

    Praying that you will somehow see the character of God in this.

    xoxo

  • Terry Percell-Rhoads

    August 21, 2013 at 2:54 am

    I to felt this way when I lost my daughter and my sister lost her twins at a month old. Last year I lost my 34 year old son. He was a good Christian man. He had a wife and kids. Bit sin came into the world in the garden and woth sin came sickness and death.bThis is what I have discovered. God gets blamed for a lot of bad things that are not his fault. Bad thongs happen to everyone and unfortunately that includes babies and children. Because sickness came into this world with sin people have to watch their loved ones suffer and die. This is what I told my grandchildren about their dad. Daddy was hurt so bad and so sick that the doctors on earth were unable to heal him. The angels knew daddy was suffering and came to take him to the great physician in Heaven. The great Physician healed daddy but he has to remain in heaven and he will be there when you get there. I know what you are going through is hard but if you turn drom Jesus it will be harder. Every day I ask for enough grace and mercy to get through each day and each day he provides it. Jesus is with you. Trust him. He loves you and Kaden so. I am crying as I write this. I have walked uour path once turning my back on God for a time and then the second time clinging to him. I will be praying for you and Kaden. His dad and the rest of the family. I can't answer why because I dont know why my son died. If you need or want to talk friend me and i will listen. Much love to you and know you are not alone. Hundreds of people are praying and are standing with you.

  • Jennifer Stokes Ocak

    August 21, 2013 at 2:54 am

    I'm praying for you and your sweet family, that you find a peace from God that surpasses all understanding. I certainly don't have any words for you but I know He does. Be mad, hurt, whatever you want, just continue to seek Him until you hear something. He loves you and your son and His plan may be unclear to you but He knows it and it's good for those that love Him and are called according to His purpose!

  • Kathy Straw

    August 21, 2013 at 2:51 am

    I am so sorryb you are going through all this and I will continue to pray for you and your sweet baby boy!

  • Casey B. Mullins Coombs

    August 21, 2013 at 2:49 am

    Oof.
    I don't know.
    I just don't know.
    I'd like to say I do, but sometimes I just don't.

  • Kristin Wolford

    August 21, 2013 at 2:47 am

    I'm so heartbroken for you that I could cry. I have rarely prayed, since my dad died in 2007 in a terrible way, I can't bring myself to talk to God – but I've prayed for you, your family and especially your sweet baby boy over the last couple of weeks. I don't understand how one family can endure as much as yours has, I'm so sorry.

  • Melissa Pilgrim

    August 21, 2013 at 2:45 am

    🙁 I'm so sorry to hear this momma.. Hoping Kaden gets his miracle.

  • tiffanie

    August 20, 2013 at 8:45 pm

    Sending up prayers with your name and Kaden’s name on them right now. We live in a such a broken world. I believe that our God knows and feels your hurt and your pain and your anguish also. Signing off to pray for you guys — may you feel some comfort from the many prayers flooding the gates of Heaven right now.

  • Lyz Lenz

    August 21, 2013 at 2:43 am

    Oh, Diana. Whatever you are feeling and thinking you have every right to feel and think. I love you.

  • melissa

    August 20, 2013 at 8:42 pm

    My heart is breaking for you. I kind of want to stomp my feet and tell God its not fair. That’s not going to do any good, so I’ll continue to pray. Pray for tiny Kaden and pray for your faith. I don’t know how you keep it or if I would be able to maintain my own in everything you’ve been through. Praying that Kaden is a miracle we all get to witness first hand and that God is just getting ready to show you how big He really is. I know nothing I am saying is comforting but just wanted to let you know someone else is praying too.

  • anna {girlwithblog.com}

    August 20, 2013 at 8:42 pm

    Damn it. I hate this. It is so shocking to me, that you would be in this place again (in a way). I am so, deeply sorry. And I’m straight up asking God to heal him. No games. No runaround. Just miraculous healing.

  • Tove M Stakkestad

    August 20, 2013 at 8:41 pm

    My heart breaks for you – I also had an infant who contracted Dilated Cardiomyopathy from a virus – not the same virus – one that was just a normal “stomach bug” in a healthy child.
    For support – please consider checking out Children’s Cardiomyopathy Foundation – they were our life saver.
    Childrenscardiomyopathy.org, or “Children’s Cardiomyopathy Foundation Community” on Facebook.
    Our son turns 5 in a few months… he was not meant to make it – heart failure, medically induced coma for a month – he started preschool yesterday!

    I am praying for your miracle!

  • Suz

    August 20, 2013 at 8:35 pm

    Tears. Prayers. I’m so sorry today was so rough. I’ll pray tonight & tomorrow are better for all.

  • Cameron Chase Godwin

    August 21, 2013 at 2:31 am

    God, please hear a united voice and heal this little boy in whatever avenue you see fit, but restore his physical self so that he can be a testament to Your people. Use him to further Your word and renew Diana and Sam's faith. Please give them a supernatural peace. I'm asking this for them in Your name, amen!

  • Julia Parker

    August 21, 2013 at 2:31 am

    Im very sorry your family is going through this. I know that no matter what I say it will never be enough to take your pain away. I am praying for you all including the medical staff for some kind of miracle. God bless

  • Adrienne Jones

    August 21, 2013 at 2:30 am

    I don't know. I don't know, and I hate that I don't know. I want to tell you something, anything, to make the load lighter, the baby well, the universe make sense again. I'd do anything to give you that. All I have are more prayers and more love. And permission. Be as angry as you are at God. God can take it. I don't know what will happen with your faith in the future, but I know that God abides, even in the places that are so ugly we want to claw our own eyes out. We love you, babe. So, so much. All of you.

  • amber

    August 20, 2013 at 8:30 pm

    I’m so sorry. I’m SO SO SORRY. It’s not right and it’s not fair and I HATE IT. Praying with all my strength.

  • SixPackMommy

    August 20, 2013 at 8:29 pm

    I’m one of those people that has quietly followed your blog for a long time, reveling in your joys and weeping for your sorrows. This entry moved me to respond. I’m a Christian, too, and I have been praying for you, Kaden, and the rest of your family. At this moment, reading this entry, I am at a loss. This hurts me to even read, and you are living it. I am so sorry for what you are going through. All I can say is, your experience has make me confront my dormant faith, and to be praying so strongly for your son. I pray that your faith, even now, even shaken, will be enough to help you through this horrible time. I pray for a blessing of healing for your precious boy. And more than anything, I pray for your broken mommy heart. And will keep praying, along with countless others who know your story.

  • Andrea Johnson Beck

    August 21, 2013 at 2:28 am

    I am so very sorry that you are enduring such pain and agony. I wish there was something I could say or do to make it better. I pray for Kaden each and every morning and will continue to do until God places his healing hands upon your sweet baby boy. Xxooxxoo

  • Mandy Ford

    August 21, 2013 at 2:27 am

    Goodness I'm so sorry you are going through this. I think sometimes there are things that are even too big for God…I know that He is not ignoring your prayers. God would never wish suffering on your sweet little boy or on you…I'm sure of this. I'll keep praying for healing for him and for you to feel God's peace wrapped around all of you. I'll pray for His mercy and for Him to do anything he can to heal Kaden.

  • Michelle MacNeil

    August 21, 2013 at 2:26 am

    So, so sorry. This is so heartbreaking and I don't blame you for this anger. I don't think I would be any different. Continually praying, continually thinking of you all, especially your sweet baby boy. Love and prayers from NY. <3

  • Shanda Frydenlund

    August 21, 2013 at 2:24 am

    Oh sweetie. There are no words but my thoughts are with you and your family.

  • Kristin @littlemamajama

    August 20, 2013 at 8:24 pm

    Oh Diana. It IS unfair. So unfair. Praying so hard for peace and a miracle.

    Hugs.

  • Mary Evelyn Smith

    August 20, 2013 at 8:24 pm

    I feel like I have nothing to offer you. All I can say is that you are doing everything right. You are letting yourself ask questions and be angry and honest. I know those feelings and I still have them. When my son was in the hospital having his tracheotomy I remember telling a friend that it was going to take a long time for me to forgive God for letting this happen to my son and to us. I felt betrayed. I was so afraid to pray or be prayed for because every time I asked for good my son seemed to get worse. All this is to say you are not alone.

    I wish I had an answer to all the whys. All I know is that God loves your little boy. Your family is in my thoughts and prayers every day.

  • Laura

    August 20, 2013 at 8:23 pm

    I can’t imagine your pain, and yet, my heart is breaking for you. I hope and pray SO hard that miracles will just cover your family.

  • Marlen

    August 20, 2013 at 8:22 pm

    Diana – I can not remember when I found you or how I stumbled upon your blog, but I want you to know that my heart broke when I read about your twins. Then you announced your pregnancy and my heart smiled for you and your little family. I remember seeing your tweet about Kaden’s birth and again, heart smiles. Upon hearing about his heart condition, my heart was once again broken for you and your precious family. I have been praying daily for Kaden, for a miracle that I know God is more than capable of performing, but I am also praying for you and your husband and little Bella. For your hearts in all of this, how I, a stranger to you and your family, am heartbroken, how much more you all are in all of this. I will never admit to understanding God and His allowance of pain and suffering in this life, on this earth, but I have to choose to believe that He is watching over you and Kaden and has a plan in all of this. Please know I am praying and will continue to do so. ((Hugs)) and love to you and yours.

  • Christy Franc Brown

    August 21, 2013 at 2:22 am

    No words. Just frustration, anger and tears along with you. I will continue to pray, because I don't know what else to do. <3 and HUGS.

  • Sara Carter

    August 20, 2013 at 8:21 pm

    Diana, I am so sorry.

  • Megan B

    August 20, 2013 at 8:21 pm

    I am so sorry. There are no words. None. You are in my thoughts and prayers. You are so real in this post. Thank you for that. You should be angry and heartbroken and wanting nothing more than to take that baby boy home – healthy. It’s okay to question. But you know – you know deep down – God has not forsaken you. He can’t. He won’t. All of this is unfair and hard and it’s just . . . it’s just awful. But hold on. Hold on.

    So many prayers for you. For all of you.

  • Melissa Hodges

    August 21, 2013 at 2:21 am

    No answers. No words. Just hope and lots of love. I am so so sorry you and your whole family is experiencing this gut wrenching pain.

  • Alena

    August 20, 2013 at 8:20 pm

    Praying furiously for you all. For your heart and soul and spirit, for Kaden’s heart, for Sam and Bella.

  • Sarah Dorsey Libero

    August 21, 2013 at 2:20 am

    Prayers

  • Sarah @ 2paws Designs

    August 20, 2013 at 8:19 pm

    I’m at a loss. Unfair just doesn’t even begin to cut it. I wish I understood what God’s plan is, but I struggle to understand myself. I’ve had a number of words with Him since losing my own August baby at Christmas. Then extended family lost their August baby last month. I am still angry and praying hard that Kaden gets that miracle. Enough August angels have gone home.

  • Sheila Tidwell

    August 21, 2013 at 2:19 am

    I wish I had the right words to say. I'm so sorry you, your family, Kaden are all suffering through this. I pray he gets the miracle we're all hoping for, and that he becomes the success story that gives any other patent that faces this virus how. Love and prayers.

  • melissa

    August 20, 2013 at 8:17 pm

    we won’t know this side of Heaven why God does the things He does. Please know that you and your precious son are covered in prayer. HUGS!

  • Michelle Tanner

    August 20, 2013 at 8:17 pm

    I wish some had something profound or comforting to say but I am at a loss for words. My heart aches for you and your family and I continue to lift you all in prayers.

  • Allie Darr

    August 21, 2013 at 2:17 am

    So many hugs and TONS of prayers for you guys! xo

  • Stacy

    August 20, 2013 at 8:17 pm

    I have no words of comfort. No answers to your questions. My heart is ripped in pieces for you and Sam and Bella, and your entire family, as I sit here crying, hurting with you, to a much lesser degree. I feel helpless for you. I wish there was something I could do, other than blubber and pray…

  • Ann

    August 20, 2013 at 8:16 pm

    No words. Just prayers.

  • Carrie Laabs Kolva

    August 21, 2013 at 2:16 am

    My heart is breaking for you… I'll be continuing to pray for a miracle for Kaden and for strength for everyone.

  • ByBMG

    August 20, 2013 at 8:16 pm

    I’m praying so hard for you guys. Nothing I can say will help, but know that I’m praying for miracles.

  • Amber @Beyond Postpartum

    August 20, 2013 at 8:15 pm

    I wish I could relieve your pain, answer your questions, and give you a giant hug. I don’t know why or how or what. But, please do know that so many of us are praying for you and your family and that you are not alone in your journey…wherever it takes you. Sometimes there is no good at all in a situation, and the only thing that gets us through is that God carries us. I pray that God carries you through whole…and can’t help but beg for the miracle along with you.

  • Shawna Kryshel Biccum

    August 21, 2013 at 2:14 am

    My heart is literally breaking for you guys. I'm so sorry you have to go through this. I'm praying for you all and hoping everything turns out the way it's supposed to. I don't know what else to say. I'm so sorry.

  • Bernadette Gillespie

    August 21, 2013 at 2:12 am

    Not fair <3 Your family is in my prayers.

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