You know what’s kinda tough?
When you’re 7/8 weeks postpartum and still look it.
With no baby.
And as much as I try to remind myself it truly doesn’t matter in the overall picture, it still hurts. My body is a reminder of what I should have. I’m not really looking for advice or sympathy or anything, it’s just on my mind. I’ve already done this once with losing twins and looking full term.
I would have been ok with looking postpartum and lugging around a little one. Instead I have an almost 4 year old and look possibly pregnant. And I’ve been asked that. That’s a fun question to answer after your baby dies.
I tend to forget how I’m still less than two months out from having a baby. In the hospital my feet swelled so bad that my friend and the nurses would all scold me for standing up. I just now “healed” this past week from all the tearing and general baby having stuff. My hormones are still crazy.
But I’m trying to give myself some grace on the physical side. I’d love to just have snapped back to normal (plus 30lbs lighter) but that’s not how I was made. And this wasn’t an easy pregnancy physically so the recovery is probably longer than I anticipated.
I feel silly. All I’ve been through and my mind still draws to how I look. I think that’s just part of being a woman but it sure doesn’t make this any easier.
Dangit. I hate going through this again. So much. I wish Kaden was here snuggled up next to me.