When You’re Praying for the Miracle You Didn’t Get
I don’t know if I believe in miracles anymore. I really don’t. I did even after Preston and Julian died. It was tremedously awful but scientifically, it made sense. I was a high risk pregnancy. Bella was born on the cusp of preterm.
But Kaden. Kaden changed everything for me. I prayed. You prayed. So many people prayed and cried and pleaded with God.
Not their family.
Not this baby.
I believed until the day I got the call to pick up his ashes that we would get a miracle. Somehow, God would make this right. He wouldn’t let me go through all that pain and a pregnancy full of trauma, anxiety, and tears just to lose my rainbow baby.
Yet He did.
So I have a hard time with miracles.
Yet even in my doubt and anger, I still find my heart crying out to God for them.
Today, I want to ask you to pray for baby Ellis and her mama Sarah. They have been through so much. She lost her husband to cancer. She walked through a pregnancy with her second, alone. Her little boy and her prepared for the baby girl who would once again make a family of three.
And just days after she was born, perfect and adored, she ran a fever. That fever sent her to Children’s which turned out to be bacterial meningitis. The seizures started. The meds went up. They were told today that should Ellis ever be able to breathe on her own, she would never be the same again.
My heart aches in the way of a mama who has heard those words before. I know that pain. I read her writing and I don’t understand why – why a second round of the unthinkable for this sweet woman? I don’t know. I don’t know if we still get miracles – ones that can’t be explained by any type of science. I don’t know what to pray for because I am not sure it will help.
But I do know that your prayers were felt by me. I stood by Kaden’s bed and prayed over him time and again, and I felt the thousands of hands being laid on us as we looked down at him, barely able to breathe.
So whatever the outcome of precious Ellis, whatever God has already decided for her, they still need your prayers. If only to connect, to be reminded in this holiday season that people are suffering deeply, to align our hearts with God’s will, to lay our hands on Sarah and Ellis from miles away – we need to be in prayer for them.
Kneel with me. Bow your heads. Break your hearts for this baby girl. Every life matters. Pray that God gives her a restored life, a future and a hope; but no matter what happens, pray that we will be the community that comes alongside her mama and carries her through this.