When You’re Praying for the Miracle You Didn’t Get

December 3, 2014

I don’t know if I believe in miracles anymore. I really don’t. I did even after Preston and Julian died. It was tremedously awful but scientifically, it made sense. I was a high risk pregnancy. Bella was born on the cusp of preterm.

But Kaden. Kaden changed everything for me. I prayed. You prayed. So many people prayed and cried and pleaded with God.

Not again.

Not their family.

Not this baby.

I believed until the day I got the call to pick up his ashes that we would get a miracle. Somehow, God would make this right. He wouldn’t let me go through all that pain and a pregnancy full of trauma, anxiety, and tears just to lose my rainbow baby.

Yet He did.

So I have a hard time with miracles.

Yet even in my doubt and anger, I still find my heart crying out to God for them.

Screenshot 2014-12-03 12.12.08

Today, I want to ask you to pray for baby Ellis and her mama Sarah. They have been through so much. She lost her husband to cancer. She walked through a pregnancy with her second, alone. Her little boy and her prepared for the baby girl who would once again make a family of three.

And just days after she was born, perfect and adored, she ran a fever. That fever sent her to Children’s which turned out to be bacterial meningitis. The seizures started. The meds went up. They were told today that should Ellis ever be able to breathe on her own, she would never be the same again.

My heart aches in the way of a mama who has heard those words before. I know that pain. I read her writing and I don’t understand why – why a second round of the unthinkable for this sweet woman? I don’t know. I don’t know if we still get miracles – ones that can’t be explained by any type of science. I don’t know what to pray for because I am not sure it will help.

But I do know that your prayers were felt by me. I stood by Kaden’s bed and prayed over him time and again, and I felt the thousands of hands being laid on us as we looked down at him, barely able to breathe.

So whatever the outcome of precious Ellis, whatever God has already decided for her, they still need your prayers. If only to connect, to be reminded in this holiday season that people are suffering deeply, to align our hearts with God’s will, to lay our hands on Sarah and Ellis from miles away – we need to be in prayer for them.

Kneel with me. Bow your heads. Break your hearts for this baby girl. Every life matters. Pray that God gives her a restored life, a future and a hope; but no matter what happens, pray that we will be the community that comes alongside her mama and carries her through this.

17 Comments

  • Jess Gardiner

    December 18, 2014 at 5:34 am

    Lifting her up in prayer and you as well in your struggles and grief! <3

  • Linda Storm

    December 7, 2014 at 7:55 pm

    Praying.

  • Amanda Magee

    December 4, 2014 at 3:13 am

    Holding them, and you, in my heart.

  • Lynn Youlountas

    December 4, 2014 at 3:00 am

    I am blessed in so many ways, only one being that somehow I'm honored enough to pass on messages here and there from up above. Your prayer was definitely answered Annette. Of course we knew already that angels were there but I'm glad beyond words that I am able to tell you about it Diana. You are an angel yourself as well as a warrior and a survivor. Your light shines strong even through your heavy grief. Much love to you dear.

  • Annette Chef Warnuzzi

    December 4, 2014 at 2:33 am

    Lynn Youlountas thank you for sharing your vision. You saw my prayer (8/23/13). I prayed that the Angels would guard and protect precious Kaden. You are a very blessed woman.

  • Lynn Youlountas

    December 4, 2014 at 1:26 am

    <3 <3 <3

  • Diana Wrote

    December 3, 2014 at 11:16 pm

    Lynn, this is absolutely beautiful. I read it through tears, picturing Kaden in those moments I wasn't able to be there but they were. Thank you, thank you for sharing this. <3 I won't ever forget that.

  • Hannah

    December 3, 2014 at 3:15 pm

    I hate this so much! I do know miracles still happen by witnessing my nephew on life support for 6 days. We were told he wouldn’t make it 2x. He is still fighting cancer but he is alive. I just wish everyone got a miracle. Grieving with the wounds this wells up in you and praying for this sweet family.

  • Mary Templeton Lichlyter

    December 3, 2014 at 9:45 pm

    Praying.

  • JD

    December 3, 2014 at 1:06 pm

    I have been following her story since you linked to it last week and as a Mom who has also heard those terrible words from doctors about my daughter my heart breaks for her. Diana, do you know if there is anything (outside of prayers) that she or her family needs?

    1. Diana

      December 3, 2014 at 4:18 pm

      I am not sure but it’s a wonderful ask. I am going to email her this evening/tomorrow and also try to find her or someone who knows her on FB to see. I know she’s mentioned friends really stepping up, but of course there may be needs we can fill. I know having meals sent was such a lifesaver for me. I will find out and thank you for asking!

      1. JD

        December 3, 2014 at 5:37 pm

        Please let me know if you learn of anything they need help with! Meals were also very helpful for us (and I am going to try and think of what else would have been emotionally or logistically helpful).

    2. Shelley

      December 9, 2014 at 8:37 pm

      I live in the same town and I have a friend who knows Sarah personally. I want to help to…I think I will email the friend and see if anything what we can do, she has a church family I believe but I’d think financially (some kinda gofundme) we could help with future expenses.. Baby Ellis is doing well according to yesterdays post and if things keep going I think we will witness this miracle…I want to believe so badly.

  • Lisa (@LisainLouKY)

    December 3, 2014 at 12:58 pm

    Joining you and others in prayer. I believe in a God that still provides miracles. Maybe sometimes through our hard/terrible/devastating circumstances there are still miracles being performed. Some we many never see this side of Heaven. Praying for God’s blessings and peace for you too.

  • Jennifer Boyd Ross

    December 3, 2014 at 7:49 pm

    I have been following Sarah's blog when you mentioned it earlier. I want to believe there is a miracle for this family as well. I wanted one for your family too. I will continue to pray for Baby Ellis. I hold my breath each time she posts. I push the facts I know as a nurse out of my head as I did for Kaden. I have to believe there are still miracles out there for everyone. Why some get it and some don't is a mystery and something I don't get but I will continue to pray. Blessings to you.

  • Ashley

    December 3, 2014 at 12:49 pm

    Prayers are being lifted for sweet Ellis and her dear mama. Having just laid my baby girl to rest a week ago after she was born an angel due to a rare genetic disorder, this hits so close to home. Bless this sweet family!

  • Lynn Youlountas

    December 3, 2014 at 7:24 pm

    I have been wanting to share something with you and afraid that it would be upsetting but I feel God wants me to tell you that I had a very real dream when Kaden was fighting in the hospital. It was the last day of his time here with us and I clearly beheld his hospital room and I could not see his bassinet because of all the angels around it. Tall, winged, too bright to look at angels. I believe with all my heart they were there to ease his passage into heaven and to take him there in their safe arms. It was such a strong "vision" that I think of it as real. I hope this is okay and helps a tiny bit with your grief mama. Will be praying still for Sarah and you as always. <3

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