TSP: Day 1

September 19, 2017

What is TSP?

I feel like I should begin these posts: “Dear Diary” because they feel like something I’d write in a journal.

Yesterday we dropped Sam off at his treatment facility. It was tough to say goodbye for all of us. I think even Char understood something as she wrapped her little arms around his neck and gave him a kiss.

What was reassuring to me was how gorgeous the place was, the staff seemed wonderful, the place was well taken care of. All green and trees and fall starting. I kind of wanted to stay there too, I miss a real fall. That’s something I have to say about military facilities – they are always super clean.

I hugged him and cried. I know I can do this for a while, but I will miss him here with us. We’ve found a good routine the past few months and starting over again is hard for a while. I try to remind myself that I’m doing the best I can.

We dropped him off and headed home. Bella had lost a tooth that morning, so I had to remember to play tooth fairy last night – and not wake her up while doing it.

Success because at 6:58am I woke up to a very excited child who dropped quarters all over the bed while my eyes tried to adjust and I squinted to see anything. lol. We got her off to school, I took Char to the park, and came home for lunch and a nap for Char.

Now I’m upstairs paying bills while Charlie snuggles next to me.

We’ve been able to talk to him – called him on the way to Bella’s school so the girls could say hi. That’s been a huge blessing because I was a bit worried he might not be able to call us much.

I think it’ll hit me later that he’s really gone for a while, when he usually came in the door from an appointment or getting Bella from school. But I’m so glad he was able to go do this. I really am. Our previous therapist who we keep in touch with wrote him to say that he was breaking this cycle for us and all the future generations (to which he promptly responded there would be no future generations since Bella and Char would be nuns, snort). He really is though. I’m so proud of him.

More tomorrow.

Love, Diana

hahaha 😉


  • Maria Keil

    September 20, 2017 at 6:33 pm

    You are amazing! I love your writing and you truly inspire me! Your girls are adorable.

  • susan Aller

    September 19, 2017 at 1:24 pm

    You are so strong. I so admire you for all you have survived! You are an inspiration to me. I hope you will find peace and comfort knowing he will come out of this feeling so much better. Have a great day.

  • Stephanie

    September 19, 2017 at 1:17 pm

    My husband did this too in a VA facility. It’s tough to fly solo, to miss your person, and to parent kiddos by yourself in the process – but let me tell you. IT IS SO WORTH IT. He came home with far better coping skills than even I had, better communication skills, and a determination to make his life, his health, and his mental well-being the best it can be. He went in August 2014, and he has been clean and sober ever since. Even more importantly, he has THRIVED and learned to really love and embrace his life.

    If I could offer any advice, it’d be this: focus on the end game, give him his space, assure him that everything is GREAT at home (these soldiers want to fix it all), and be an active participant in his treatment when asked. Oh, and sleep like a starfish in your bed because you CAN! (simple pleasures) You’ve got this!

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